The battle already lost!

Confused, amazed, aroused

I look at the knife on a far table

The edges seems blurred

But the handle is clear

The weak papaya besides it

Sit in contemplation

Reminding him of his bad luck

To trip in the hands of his predator...

The life had started with a small bud

Who wanted to befriend all

On his journey to adultery

He found thorns everywhere

Others wanting to slit his neck

Pluck his seeds and throw him away...

He fought his battle well

And felt proud at his scars

It was this time

He saw a pink, yellow flower at a tree

She looked like a princess

And his heart fell in the sea

But difficult was this love

The flower was already owned...

Flower gave him a reason to smile

And this smile gave him a reason to die

The owner loved the ripened papaya

And lusted at its youth...

Now he sits alongside a knife

Ready to get dripped in pain

This pain looks sweet

Dying in front of his beloved

He closed his eyes

And left with ease.

Exploring 'life'

Life is a mystery

Shut in one corner of the room

Unlock the door and look around

The room is vast and chaotic with stuff

It’s dirty with shit and lots of dust

Remember you have to come back alive

It’s a small time you have to fight

Don’t get hassled with random colours

The darkness prevails for a little longer

Open the third eye of your karma

And follow rigorously your dharma

Search for the answer you need

The room gives you a sense of belief

Rugged thoughts, shapeless bodies

And souls stuck in pain

Run past behind them to a safer place

A beam glistening in all its glory

No, do not touch it with naked hands

It gives pain and misery in the end

Life is beautiful from the eyes we see

Come close and search what lies beneath

It takes a life

For a life to unlock the shackles of life

For nothing matters in the end

When you want to live again.

A wait too long

I wait

Wait for the return of storm

The tornado hit me years ago

And left me bruised

Struggling with the pain

I await the return of misery...

Alone amongst the garden of love

I raised a fear of loneliness

Hit and sabotaged

I sinfully yearn for more...

The teary, swollen eyes

Remember the last dream they saw

I was in devil arms

And taken to a palace so far...

Dreams are dreams, I say

A moment of happiness

Left in grief

You wonder about dreams...

The delusion of an inner self

Cutting it through reality

I think, again

To rise above the ground

To fight the storm

And embrace the crown...

I dreamt again?

Again to live afloat

My struggle is with life

And I await the next thunderbolt.

A window in my room

A window in my room

Pink, yellow and white

Gives me a glimpse

Of life outside.

A dark room

With no light inside

The window in my room

Enlightens the space with it’s wisely eyes.

A lone figure

Engrossed with the ghostly past

Looks through the window

Of the worldly charm,

A glimpse of life

From the floor of death

I dive deep into the conscience of hell,

And back with a realisation

The window in my room

Saves me a day of procrastination.

A future of uncertainty

A life without a beginning

Looking for a dignified end

Amongst the four walls of cruelty.

The wind shutters the window panes

Yet it stands at its place

Still presenting me the theatre called ‘world’

The world that cares least about my past

Open its arms for a feisty start.

In a new land, with new hopes

I start afresh in a pool of blood

Rising from the misty land of love

In capital of the fallen world

I stay near the house of rust.

Shaken by the words of trust

I lay beneath the forgotten earth

For whom, I shall be chastised

He lives on a land of Gold,

Of shiny, shimmering smiles of lies.

The fog appears to thicken now

Nauseated with images of past,

My yearning for the solitude

Is gifted from a seasoned heart.

A new journey I set to embark

Miles away from the pain I endure

Where my dreams will no longer be yours,

Where my heart will never be forged,

Where I would no longer be left alone,

Where I would die on my own.

Sex was never a taboo, but my sexuality was...

Fashion I thought at first, I love being dressed up and cuddling accessories; but then why shouldn't I turn into a critic and point at the major faux pas of the year gone by. All this sound so glamorous but is this exactly what I should be writing in my first layout?
No, no, no I should rather talk about myself, being me, being a girl where my sexuality is a big deal for the whole nation.

When I was born, my aunt cried at the first sight of me (she was probably hoping a male child, the first of my parents) but there I was born, a girl and that ached her heart. Did this happen only with me or there were others who went through the same pain of being appalled by their aunts and uncles (some even their parents)?  Now do we call her misogynist? No, because it’s not hatred, it’s the love for her brother that she is wanting a boy, it’s the fault of the society that she lives in, it’s the fault of her parents who couldn't teach her the difference between the two genders (only if there was any!).

My adolescent phase was the best where I learnt more about whom I was; a girl ofcourse and hence, the way I was suppose to talk and behave. You start getting those stares everywhere you go; like for eg. In the market, people will look at you like a freshly cooked, delicious meal for them to enjoy... I definitely couldn't have asked for more but to get my sex changed right there and then.

 Now I am a girl of 25yrs of age and like any other parents, mine too are looking for a good (don’t exactly know how to define this, but somebody whom all my relatives will give up a thumbs up) groom for me. Now, there is a small hitch in the story, since I am girl I need to get married by now and hence, the person whom I’ll meet or whom my parents will make me meet will automatically be a good husband, really I have no choice. But my soon going to be in-laws does, they will meet me, ask me various questions (like if I earn then how much or if I know how to cook a ‘halwa’, a million dollar question indeed!), make me walk in front of them, will see if my hair looks ok or even if my name goes well with their surname.

I should be able to change my attitude, how can I throw tantrums, I am not allowed take a walk late at night, I should be covered from head to toe, I cannot shout back at any indecency, I should obey everyone, I should do everything if required - because I am a girl... I am a female in this world of male hunger; I am born as a prey to be fed as and when required.

**Complete work of fiction, don’t want to hurt anybody’s sentiments here J

An ode to vacation

How I wish to see you soon

And sit in your lap for endless hours

How I want to feel you more

And never leave your protective arms...

I am lost amidst the vicious life

Learning a way to your abode

Wait for me love, wait for me

I am no one without you anymore!

You give me strength,

You give me light,

You give me power to carry on,

You make me feel the special one

You are my only and only hope!

I long for you day and night

And work hard to woo you more

You come and go but never leave

My trust in you is infinite,

I once again will wait

I once again will sleep

To see you yet again in dreams

I endure life to live you more

To live with you forever, I wish!