The day I closed my eyes…

I read interviews and mocked the epiphany

I heard them talk on radio too,

There wallowed tales of solitude

Of alcohol and drugs misused.

The mocking couldn’t stop until I saw someone

The man with a straight face and a smile so powerful

I followed his trail of oceanic scent

And entered a dark den of substance

Staying there for hours and hours

And chatting non-stop about the lives of miserable’

My life went smooth, and I stressed more.

He touched me and I felt…. sad

I looked around to breathe happiness.

Your see what you want them to see,

The faces curtained with emotions

Masquerading around you,

Smothering your ears with compliments

Walking past you.

I moved closer to feel the emptiness.

He left without saying a word

Confused, I noticed the curtains’ colour

The same pale blue that I always hated 

And, the walls of my room looked blank.

Days and nights felt the same

I spoke to feel my voice

I hung around with all my friends

What was I thinking? Yet unknown

Why my body shivered, nobody could tell

The day seemed longer, and family distant

My ears tried to listen but I barely heard

The work was good, but my eyes felt wet

The cheeks didn’t know,

Why droplets rolled on them

I was losing something of importance

In the middle of the night I could sense the darkness.

The sky started to close on me

The ground swelled with pride of flesh

A faint smile on my lips

As I looked out of the window

For the last time.

Let it happen...

It will happen one day

you will fail

people will talk

you will cry

there will be more whispers,

It will happen one day.

You will be afraid

coz’ you were strong

you will be sad

coz’ you were happy

It will happen one day,

you would like to grow

yet feel stuck in that moment

you will want to fly

yet your wings would refuse

It will happen

It all will happen one day,

you would be judged

for the way you appear,

you would be embarrased

about the way you kissed,

they will make fun

of the way you smell,

It will all happen one day.

The time you lost as a teenager

you would want it back

the time you spent making memories

you would long for that

It will happen

It all will happen one day.

But look at the world outside you

the singing birds and the roaring tides

the blinding dawn to the dusky night

the beautiful kids and the rustling streets

everything talks to your inner being

everything reminds you of one thing.

Let everything happen to you

Let every negativity cast a spell on you

Let people take advantage of you

Let people call you names,

you will shine brighter from that day,

coz’ It will all happen one day!

Closure... for a new beginning!

I tried again

scribbled some letters

looked for memories

hardly painted by me.

My eyes stared at noone

my heart wandered for everyone,

nothing hidden could be found

nothing promised could be broken.

I tried again

looked for pictures

lost friends

and some ashes

Met a lost self

in a diary of teen

how happy I was

how beautiful it showed

There was no silence

It was chaos I longed for,

to fill the void in my soul

to unrest the restleness

to bring back the time

and my words.

With the lost affection,

I write again,

as a proof to my 40 self

as a proof to what I have left!

courtesy - theanxietydiaries

A letter to love...

I write you an open letter

Of our love and passion

Rise and fall

Sanity and folly

A story that speaks all.

I paint it red for you to read

You like it when it speaks of love

The love we had

When millions saw

It lived with us

Till death took you apart.

I write this letter to an address unknown

I hear you whisper from a dense zone

Not clear to be held so tight

I hear you for the last time.

Living a life without a soul

I can’t keep my heart for long

Here, I wish I could fly

To a destination unknown

Where I lie in your arms

And never wake up to the dreams of past.

The already lost love

It was an urge

A habit, of sorts

The perfumed body of thoughts

I wanted that all.

In small proportions

I loved the entire artwork

It seemed as a masterpiece

And I wanted to keep it alive

In my dreams, in my heart

In my memories,

Of love and failure.

A present so beautiful

Turned itself into an ugly past

A love forbidden, I was asked to pass.

The scripture of my love

Suddenly shook to reality

And burnt down to ashes

The moment I touched it.

You can’t rub

The already written script

The already told fortune

The already whispered thoughts

And the already lost love.

Love thy eyes

Shredded bits of love

Now fall upon my cheeks

I see you standing afar

Looking beyond me,

No words needed

Not your soul anymore

I live in peace

In the world of my own.

You are dreadful,

The beast of my sanity

You are heinous,

The selfish mate of mine

Yet it hurts me deep inside

The mere presence of your eyes

Why it still reminds me of our times?

The mere presence of your eyes!

I ran to forests to hide my bones

It followed me to the hilltop

The fire eyes me deep inside

And I can’t fight the presence of your eyes.

The battle already lost!

Confused, amazed, aroused

I look at the knife on a far table

The edges seems blurred

But the handle is clear

The weak papaya besides it

Sit in contemplation

Reminding him of his bad luck

To trip in the hands of his predator...

The life had started with a small bud

Who wanted to befriend all

On his journey to adultery

He found thorns everywhere

Others wanting to slit his neck

Pluck his seeds and throw him away...

He fought his battle well

And felt proud at his scars

It was this time

He saw a pink, yellow flower at a tree

She looked like a princess

And his heart fell in the sea

But difficult was this love

The flower was already owned...

Flower gave him a reason to smile

And this smile gave him a reason to die

The owner loved the ripened papaya

And lusted at its youth...

Now he sits alongside a knife

Ready to get dripped in pain

This pain looks sweet

Dying in front of his beloved

He closed his eyes

And left with ease.