Tiny feet in wet sand...

Look up

Look up

Don’t be afraid

We all do

In a different way!

Look up look up

You are so tiny

I am standing on a mountain

Are you still breathing?

Look up look up

Don’t give up

You are still growing

Among ants and reptiles.

Look up Look up

Where are you?

I can’t find

In a crowd of two.

Look up Look up

Don’t be shy

We all love you

But you still need a mic.

Look up Look up

That guy is cute

Can you see his face?

Go read some books.

Look up Look up

Being shorter helps

I lost a pin

Would you find it, please?

Look up Look up

I got a hair cut

Can you still hear me?

Oh! stand on a stool.

Look up Look up

Why hide away in bushes?

Let us sit on a chair

And frame us together.

Don’t be shy

Will photoshop your legs

Make you dance over the wall

Do a catwalk on the ramp.

So what if clothes don’t fit you

You are still charming

Helping us to hide our insecurities

in something you were born with.

So what if you are short

It makes you cute

Just don’t speak

It sounds so rude,

You are pretty

Be like that

A doll in the museum

For everyone else to stare at.

Far away in love

Thousand miles away

Locked in a heart

I write you a letter

From the lost war,

In our quest of desires

We left the only thing

We ever had with us,

Our moments together

Of laughter and sorrow

Our fights over the coloured sky

And, our giggles that lasted until we cried.

658 days and counting more

Not even one day went 

Without remembering you,

The scented candle in our room

Is replaced by white lilies now

To always remind me of our last time

Of the empty bed and the tinted blinds,

The books are kept off the shelf

Near the side lamp that we used

After a long day of suits.

The rain still pour slowly on our doorway

On the muddy roads and leaded windows,

I still drink wine at night sometimes

The other glass is kept on my side,

It’s the hugs that I miss the most

The kiss that I feel a lot

A remembrance of our days together

Everything is kept with me

Beneath this happy face

Maybe, I smile a lot.

The time has changed

And left me misplaced,

Can you come back?

Like, you never left

The distance is not what I hate

The constant struggle is a difficult phase

No rubbing shoulders, nothing to touch

The space I got

Feels a little too much,

Come back and feel my smile

Once again, I want to feel alive.

Thousand miles away

Have you changed?

Your images are blurred

And you whisper a lot,

Come back, you fool

It’s the hour of love

I still wait in the same porch

Looking at you

The way you looked before.

The day I closed my eyes…

I read interviews and mocked the epiphany

I heard them talk on radio too,

There wallowed tales of solitude

Of alcohol and drugs misused.

The mocking couldn’t stop until I saw someone

The man with a straight face and a smile so powerful

I followed his trail of oceanic scent

And entered a dark den of substance

Staying there for hours and hours

And chatting non-stop about the lives of miserable’

My life went smooth, and I stressed more.

He touched me and I felt…. sad

I looked around to breathe happiness.

Your see what you want them to see,

The faces curtained with emotions

Masquerading around you,

Smothering your ears with compliments

Walking past you.

I moved closer to feel the emptiness.

He left without saying a word

Confused, I noticed the curtains’ colour

The same pale blue that I always hated 

And, the walls of my room looked blank.

Days and nights felt the same

I spoke to feel my voice

I hung around with all my friends

What was I thinking? Yet unknown

Why my body shivered, nobody could tell

The day seemed longer, and family distant

My ears tried to listen but I barely heard

The work was good, but my eyes felt wet

The cheeks didn’t know,

Why droplets rolled on them

I was losing something of importance

In the middle of the night I could sense the darkness.

The sky started to close on me

The ground swelled with pride of flesh

A faint smile on my lips

As I looked out of the window

For the last time.

Let it happen...

It will happen one day

you will fail

people will talk

you will cry

there will be more whispers,

It will happen one day.

You will be afraid

coz’ you were strong

you will be sad

coz’ you were happy

It will happen one day,

you would like to grow

yet feel stuck in that moment

you will want to fly

yet your wings would refuse

It will happen

It all will happen one day,

you would be judged

for the way you appear,

you would be embarrased

about the way you kissed,

they will make fun

of the way you smell,

It will all happen one day.

The time you lost as a teenager

you would want it back

the time you spent making memories

you would long for that

It will happen

It all will happen one day.

But look at the world outside you

the singing birds and the roaring tides

the blinding dawn to the dusky night

the beautiful kids and the rustling streets

everything talks to your inner being

everything reminds you of one thing.

Let everything happen to you

Let every negativity cast a spell on you

Let people take advantage of you

Let people call you names,

you will shine brighter from that day,

coz’ It will all happen one day!

Closure... for a new beginning!

I tried again

scribbled some letters

looked for memories

hardly painted by me.

My eyes stared at noone

my heart wandered for everyone,

nothing hidden could be found

nothing promised could be broken.

I tried again

looked for pictures

lost friends

and some ashes

Met a lost self

in a diary of teen

how happy I was

how beautiful it showed

There was no silence

It was chaos I longed for,

to fill the void in my soul

to unrest the restleness

to bring back the time

and my words.

With the lost affection,

I write again,

as a proof to my 40 self

as a proof to what I have left!

courtesy - theanxietydiaries

A letter to love...

I write you an open letter

Of our love and passion

Rise and fall

Sanity and folly

A story that speaks all.

I paint it red for you to read

You like it when it speaks of love

The love we had

When millions saw

It lived with us

Till death took you apart.

I write this letter to an address unknown

I hear you whisper from a dense zone

Not clear to be held so tight

I hear you for the last time.

Living a life without a soul

I can’t keep my heart for long

Here, I wish I could fly

To a destination unknown

Where I lie in your arms

And never wake up to the dreams of past.

The already lost love

It was an urge

A habit, of sorts

The perfumed body of thoughts

I wanted that all.

In small proportions

I loved the entire artwork

It seemed as a masterpiece

And I wanted to keep it alive

In my dreams, in my heart

In my memories,

Of love and failure.

A present so beautiful

Turned itself into an ugly past

A love forbidden, I was asked to pass.

The scripture of my love

Suddenly shook to reality

And burnt down to ashes

The moment I touched it.

You can’t rub

The already written script

The already told fortune

The already whispered thoughts

And the already lost love.

Love thy eyes

Shredded bits of love

Now fall upon my cheeks

I see you standing afar

Looking beyond me,

No words needed

Not your soul anymore

I live in peace

In the world of my own.

You are dreadful,

The beast of my sanity

You are heinous,

The selfish mate of mine

Yet it hurts me deep inside

The mere presence of your eyes

Why it still reminds me of our times?

The mere presence of your eyes!

I ran to forests to hide my bones

It followed me to the hilltop

The fire eyes me deep inside

And I can’t fight the presence of your eyes.

The battle already lost!

Confused, amazed, aroused

I look at the knife on a far table

The edges seems blurred

But the handle is clear

The weak papaya besides it

Sit in contemplation

Reminding him of his bad luck

To trip in the hands of his predator...

The life had started with a small bud

Who wanted to befriend all

On his journey to adultery

He found thorns everywhere

Others wanting to slit his neck

Pluck his seeds and throw him away...

He fought his battle well

And felt proud at his scars

It was this time

He saw a pink, yellow flower at a tree

She looked like a princess

And his heart fell in the sea

But difficult was this love

The flower was already owned...

Flower gave him a reason to smile

And this smile gave him a reason to die

The owner loved the ripened papaya

And lusted at its youth...

Now he sits alongside a knife

Ready to get dripped in pain

This pain looks sweet

Dying in front of his beloved

He closed his eyes

And left with ease.

Exploring 'life'

Life is a mystery

Shut in one corner of the room

Unlock the door and look around

The room is vast and chaotic with stuff

It’s dirty with shit and lots of dust

Remember you have to come back alive

It’s a small time you have to fight

Don’t get hassled with random colours

The darkness prevails for a little longer

Open the third eye of your karma

And follow rigorously your dharma

Search for the answer you need

The room gives you a sense of belief

Rugged thoughts, shapeless bodies

And souls stuck in pain

Run past behind them to a safer place

A beam glistening in all its glory

No, do not touch it with naked hands

It gives pain and misery in the end

Life is beautiful from the eyes we see

Come close and search what lies beneath

It takes a life

For a life to unlock the shackles of life

For nothing matters in the end

When you want to live again.

A wait too long

I wait

Wait for the return of storm

The tornado hit me years ago

And left me bruised

Struggling with the pain

I await the return of misery...

Alone amongst the garden of love

I raised a fear of loneliness

Hit and sabotaged

I sinfully yearn for more...

The teary, swollen eyes

Remember the last dream they saw

I was in devil arms

And taken to a palace so far...

Dreams are dreams, I say

A moment of happiness

Left in grief

You wonder about dreams...

The delusion of an inner self

Cutting it through reality

I think, again

To rise above the ground

To fight the storm

And embrace the crown...

I dreamt again?

Again to live afloat

My struggle is with life

And I await the next thunderbolt.

A window in my room

A window in my room

Pink, yellow and white

Gives me a glimpse

Of life outside.

A dark room

With no light inside

The window in my room

Enlightens the space with it’s wisely eyes.

A lone figure

Engrossed with the ghostly past

Looks through the window

Of the worldly charm,

A glimpse of life

From the floor of death

I dive deep into the conscience of hell,

And back with a realisation

The window in my room

Saves me a day of procrastination.

A future of uncertainty

A life without a beginning

Looking for a dignified end

Amongst the four walls of cruelty.

The wind shutters the window panes

Yet it stands at its place

Still presenting me the theatre called ‘world’

The world that cares least about my past

Open its arms for a feisty start.

In a new land, with new hopes

I start afresh in a pool of blood

Rising from the misty land of love

In capital of the fallen world

I stay near the house of rust.

Shaken by the words of trust

I lay beneath the forgotten earth

For whom, I shall be chastised

He lives on a land of Gold,

Of shiny, shimmering smiles of lies.

The fog appears to thicken now

Nauseated with images of past,

My yearning for the solitude

Is gifted from a seasoned heart.

A new journey I set to embark

Miles away from the pain I endure

Where my dreams will no longer be yours,

Where my heart will never be forged,

Where I would no longer be left alone,

Where I would die on my own.

Sex was never a taboo, but my sexuality was...

Fashion I thought at first, I love being dressed up and cuddling accessories; but then why shouldn't I turn into a critic and point at the major faux pas of the year gone by. All this sound so glamorous but is this exactly what I should be writing in my first layout?
No, no, no I should rather talk about myself, being me, being a girl where my sexuality is a big deal for the whole nation.

When I was born, my aunt cried at the first sight of me (she was probably hoping a male child, the first of my parents) but there I was born, a girl and that ached her heart. Did this happen only with me or there were others who went through the same pain of being appalled by their aunts and uncles (some even their parents)?  Now do we call her misogynist? No, because it’s not hatred, it’s the love for her brother that she is wanting a boy, it’s the fault of the society that she lives in, it’s the fault of her parents who couldn't teach her the difference between the two genders (only if there was any!).

My adolescent phase was the best where I learnt more about whom I was; a girl ofcourse and hence, the way I was suppose to talk and behave. You start getting those stares everywhere you go; like for eg. In the market, people will look at you like a freshly cooked, delicious meal for them to enjoy... I definitely couldn't have asked for more but to get my sex changed right there and then.

 Now I am a girl of 25yrs of age and like any other parents, mine too are looking for a good (don’t exactly know how to define this, but somebody whom all my relatives will give up a thumbs up) groom for me. Now, there is a small hitch in the story, since I am girl I need to get married by now and hence, the person whom I’ll meet or whom my parents will make me meet will automatically be a good husband, really I have no choice. But my soon going to be in-laws does, they will meet me, ask me various questions (like if I earn then how much or if I know how to cook a ‘halwa’, a million dollar question indeed!), make me walk in front of them, will see if my hair looks ok or even if my name goes well with their surname.

I should be able to change my attitude, how can I throw tantrums, I am not allowed take a walk late at night, I should be covered from head to toe, I cannot shout back at any indecency, I should obey everyone, I should do everything if required - because I am a girl... I am a female in this world of male hunger; I am born as a prey to be fed as and when required.

**Complete work of fiction, don’t want to hurt anybody’s sentiments here J

An ode to vacation

How I wish to see you soon

And sit in your lap for endless hours

How I want to feel you more

And never leave your protective arms...

I am lost amidst the vicious life

Learning a way to your abode

Wait for me love, wait for me

I am no one without you anymore!

You give me strength,

You give me light,

You give me power to carry on,

You make me feel the special one

You are my only and only hope!

I long for you day and night

And work hard to woo you more

You come and go but never leave

My trust in you is infinite,

I once again will wait

I once again will sleep

To see you yet again in dreams

I endure life to live you more

To live with you forever, I wish!

Coz’ I am born this way!

Today entails the loss of everything

and yet it marks a new beginning

I might have loved the worst this year

The year itself was cursed

I cry and wail for a sad fortune

Yet I am here with no money at all

The joy of eating the best I want

But the best was never mine

I lost, lost everything that I had

Yet I have my life intact

But is this life that I ever wanted?

I want; never am I born this way again

Never would I show my face to the beasts

Never will I have to smile on your speech

Never would I want to sleep with you

Because I am not honoured to wear what u please

Because I am not dancing to what you play

Because I am not what you desire

Because I was never born this way

I am who I am....